Animals: Three Poems by Jessica Nirvana Ram
my heart is a slippery fish
fillet it / cut the cheeks out / & see / they’ll be tender / keep the blade close / to bone / clavicle to tail fin / pull clean through flesh / separate into slabs / to be swallowed / seasoned / skewered / skin crisped in skillet / body flaky & boneless / marinate the head & skeleton / for bouillabaisse / a thick stock / pick your teeth clean / with pin bones / see how many pieces / this heart is capable of / becoming / dismembered devotee / I promise / there is no waste here / if you catch me / you can use it all / every last scrap
Jellyfish Girl
Last night I woke up part jellyfish
tentacles wide & transparent,
head bulbous like a moon jelly.
I told you not to touch me. Swam
away from our bed until I was sea deep
in myself, floating among the blooms
of jellyfish watching them brush up
against each other, no harm no screams,
just soft touch, comfortable sparks.
I wondered if I’d ruined myself
by becoming this way, if your eyes
would always be rimmed with fear
& trepidation, with some need to trap me
in a bathtub or a tank, to keep me
at arms length—
did I, somewhere along the way,
become something pretty for you
to look at & never touch? When did you
stop trusting me? How exactly does a boy
love a jellyfish & how does a jellyfish
love a boy?
We both know you’ve never
been very good at swimming,
you never really liked the ocean either
& I cannot live in your cupped palms.
So tell me, my love, where do we go
from here?
When I am in Sixth Grade a Boy Calls Me Octopus Hair
The boy is small & faces me with sharpened teeth.
I could never name the look in his eyes but I could always
smell the bloodlust & that day, he spewed incantation
against the sea monster living on my head & this body
of mine awoke, tentacles sprouting from skin darting out
in defense of this small girl’s self. I watched as newfound limbs
reached out to suffocate him, pressing into the small boy’s flesh
until it puckered with suction cup red rings, until he screamed
& hissed & threatened me with those shark teeth of his, thrashing
about in my grip. I bare my own beak, burst through his paper
flesh, see my fury reflected in his fear soaked irises as he realizes
he is not the predator here. Maybe I should have warned him,
should have let him know that my kind happily devours his kind,
that even though I specialize in camouflage, or could easily offer up
a spare limb & make my escape, I am fucking tired of disappearing
when provoked, tired of folding into this small body, tired of sacrificing
pieces of myself as if to say all of me
isn’t worth fighting for.