Valentines: “Pining through pixels” by Emdash AKA Emily Lu Gao
Pining through pixels
Love, how many times a day
do you tilt your head
downwards for me?
Peering at your phone, awaiting my indigo bubble?
Our daily—pings!—teal fuchsia swirled intimacy.
Two hands come together around a 5G rosary.
How many texts equal an in-person I love you?
How many late-night video chats?
We make rituals out of pixels
annotating our life apart from one another,
textual tension glows our love from afar.
We send the other a little somethin’ somethin’
to get through the day, hands cupping phones.
A digitized rolling of hips.
This rectangle watches me watching you,
my screen propped up in bed where you’d usually be.
When we are apart, do you picture my subtle downward gaze too?
Enduring rigmarole, eyebrows double dutch delighted?
Sometimes I am a woman of virtue,
oftentimes I am merely one who misses you.
Long live the audio messages
water splash emojis & Instagram DMs.
Ping!
Translation: There you are! 👉 👈
Ping!
Translation: I have not forgotten about you.
Ping!
Translation: Wait for me.
We’ll bougainvillea together soon.
For now, this notifications vibrate
my snuggle & smooch understudy.
Love, don’t you see? This glowing gadget smirks,
our touchstone, time zone savant, tethering.
Airplane mode patience—I’ll text you when I land.
About Emdash AKA Emily Lu Gao
Emdash AKA Emily Lu Gao (高璐璐, She/They) is a writer, educator, and daughter of Chinese immigrants. She creates to heal, grow, and decolonize. They’ve received funding from Sundress Publications, Bread Loaf Environmental Writers Conference, Jersey City Arts Council and more. Her crowning literary achievement is founding and hosting The Word Bookstore Open Mic for two-years in Jersey City, NJ. She holds an B.A in Asian American Studies from Pitzer College and a MFA in Poetry from Rutgers University-Newark. For full publication and performance history, visit emdashsays.com. They are Missouri-born, California-raised and based in anxiety. When not writing, she’s likely telling one too many jokes.