Food and Beverage: “Notes for my next lover” by Andrea Maxine Recto
Notes for my next lover
I love making sandwiches
for people I care about. Maybe I’ll make one for you too:
7-minute hard-boiled eggs crushed and mixed
with pepper, salt, Kewpie mayo,
mustard, and roasted sesame seeds
spread thickly on lightly buttered sourdough
and then drizzled with spicy honey.
I don’t eat breakfast, but I like breakfast for dinner.
I pinch myself when I'm feeling anxious.
I leave the porch light on for my neighbor’s cat.
I have a long raised scar on my inner thigh
from a biking accident.
There's another scar on the right side of my face
from an ex-lover.
Another three in succession on my arm.
I might text you something silly
after having one too many margaritas, and say something like,
“Did you know a praying mantis likes to eat its mate after having sex?”.
I wrote a box of angry letters to my dad when I was 15,
but never mailed them.
I stopped hating him when he got clean,
but by then it was too late because he died.
I keep a handwritten copy of my grandmother’s
famous slow-cooked white wine beef stew recipe on my kitchen wall.
I watch movies with the subtitles on.
I have dreams about having kids,
but I'm scared to become a mother.
When I was 18, I got a thorny rose tattoo above my pelvis.
I write for a living, but sometimes wish I didn’t.
Once in a while, I'll pray to God,
even though I haven’t stepped foot in a church in years.
The thought of dying keeps me up at night.
Sometimes, I cry after really good sex.
I almost married my last relationship.
I don’t know if you can love me.
I don't know yet if I want you to.
Is teaching someone how to love you something you can do?
About Andrea Maxine Recto
Andrea Maxine Recto is a Spanish-Filipino poet living in Manila whose work explores the intricacies of womanhood, grief, love, darkness, and introspection. Her poetry has been featured in One Art: a journal of poetry, Rust & Moth, The Santa Clara Review, The Red Eft Review, and elsewhere, with more forthcoming in The Heimat Review, Rogue Agent, and other places. When she's not writing, you can find her reading love letters in Spanish or living different lives in her dreams. She's on Instagram @itsandreamaxine.
