Sex, Kink, and the Erotic: Two Poems by Raina K. Puels
Furtive Poet spanked me
& asked me to count i resented the sting
resented the kindergarten exercise
(i called him Daddy but it always felt hollow)
one night he asked if he could tie me up
i said i wasn’t sure but
he didn’t hear that & ratcheted my wrists
down to his bed frame my numb dumb body
silent as vanilla
three years later Sassy asks me
on a scale of 1-10 how bad do you want it to hurt?
i tell her seven & she bodyslams me
rakes her knuckles against my sternum
i hate it so good & never once think to moan stop
(euphoria eats all language)
she strings my wrists & one ankle to her frame
hoists me to balance on a glass jack
sharp as a stegosaurus
i’m shaking & sweating
when she brings me to the carpet steps on my chest
twines lines around my toes & squeezes
until i scream & laugh & scream again
her bra is blue with white polkadots
mine is black lace now dusted with jute
she unties me cradles my head in her lap
for a second i wonder if she is my mother
& try not to drool as i age twenty years in two minutes
then she gets out her ukulele & we sing
magic wand rumbles bestow the desired
lazy /easy / get-the-job-done deliverance
maintenance sex for the self
neglected dildos dusty bookshelf ornaments
cervix wilting but afraid if lube-watered
will cry mucous & never stop
i’m penetrated therefore i am sad
i’m not penetrated therefore i am sad
alone i’m rarely booted up
maybe by a brush of my own nipple
leather whips in a poem about horses
grapefruit juice filling a papercut
i only find sadness
in tracing these familiar curves with intent
no disbelief can suspend
the intimacy i have with my own thumbs
thumbs i stare at for as long as i’m awake
one dissociated week
my dopamine brick & i averaged
eight hours of touch time a day
fifty-sixish hours of edging
doesn’t it feel good to touch?
who knew sexuality was a switch
flicked by fingers in the dark
or / not fumbled at all
Author’s note: the line: “doesn’t it feel good to touch” is from Marshall Davis Jones’ poem “Touchscreen.”
About Raina K. Puels
Raina K. Puels is a queer/poly Boston-based writer, educator, & kinkster who really loves Lil Peep. She holds an MFA from Emerson College. You can read her writing in The Rumpus, PANK, Gay Mag, & many other places you can find on her website: rainakpuels.com. Follow her on Twitter: @rainakpuels.