Poetry: Two Pieces by Nicole Tallman
Abecedarian for my Gay Love
A memory I do not speak of much
because of shame is the day my brain
caved alongside my heart.
Do you know what it is to be
engulfed in grief?
Folie, they called it in Montréal, when a
girl I loved decided she loved
him after all and was going back and that
I could still be her friend. She left her
jacket on the hook, but returned her
key, slamming the door to possibility.
Light burning black, I packed back to
Michigan. Began again, but different.
Nicole, my doctor said, I can’t help you
out like this. Wrote a
prescription, which didn’t dull my
queer. She wanted to zap it out of me. So, I
ran. But not far enough.
She found me.
Threw me in the ward for weeks. (Sometimes,
I can still hear the screams.)
Under watch, but “free” to go.
Voluntary is debatable. She filled me full:
Wellbutrin.
Xanax.
Yellow pill I don’t remember the name of.
Zyprexa. So many pills to kill my gay love.
Sex Ghazal
My ex-girlfriend used to call me “Taco” because I love tacos so much. Probably more than I loved her. That may be why we didn’t last. I think it was less about tacos and more about her cheating, but I’d rather not talk about that. Instead, let’s just talk about sex.
Did you know the word for a lesbian in Spanish is tortillera? I learned that from my ex. Probably one of the only useful things she taught me. She told me the term had its origins in the clapping sound made from kneading tortillas and its supposed equivalence to the scissoring sound of sex.
I think you can tell a lot about a person by what they order at the drive-thru when they are sober vs. plastered. The sober order is usually much more conservative and measured. The plastered order is totally unfiltered and pleasured – much like plastered sex.
In the aughts, my gay friend N would spend $10 on tacos sober and $50 plastered. He would also text the next day and ask me why I let him eat so many gorditas. Accused me of making him a gordita with whom no one would want to have sex.
As if I could control what a drunk queen puts in her mouth at a drive-thru any more than at a drag show. What’s so offensive about drag shows? What will Florida ban next? Will the legislature pass a bill to ban tacos for being too vaginal and the eggplant emoji because it screams sex?
About Nicole Tallman
Nicole Tallman is a gay poet. She is pro tacos & drag shows, & anti book bans & gay hate. She is a Cancer sun, Virgo moon, & Taurus rising,. She lives in Miami, where she serves as the official Poetry Ambassador, Editor of Redacted Books, & Poetry Editor for South Florida Poetry Journal & The Blue Mountain Review. She is the author of four collections: Something Kindred, Poems for the People, FERSACE, & Julie, or Sylvia (her first novel, out now!). Find her on social media @natallman & at nicoletallman.com.