Sex, Kink, and the Erotic: “Sex Education” by Jody Chan

sex education

I stumbled into your scapula not knowing.
mouth-first. no one taught me about 
pleasure, is what I’m saying. I’m splayed
on your kitchen counter. yellow fish, filleted
& fevered. I come non-verbal to you, feral
in the principle of her. every night she said
don’t tell. the embarrassment. nothing special 
about me. just another set of lips. pull the staple
from my skin, lick my blood off the metal
but can’t ask to kiss her. she said to call her 
Mother. with you I want mace & leather
my tongue in the dirt. you dress like a stress 
dream. like pillow pushed between leg and
leg and legs pinned under cotton. spilled
custard. resplendent. a pointillism in red & blue. 
you my primary longing, supple bone in
the throat. cigarettes smoked in secret. if
I listened to my friends. if she slapped me first.
don’t worry I’m in love with you. it’s barely 
manageable. you spill in me and the poem 
slips. memory, a smell of something dead 
in the walls. the heart of me is wild.
I daydream in reams of red silk, your magnolia
mouth moaning please onto my neck. do I have to
spell it out. I was too young. I didn’t stop
her. you & I kissed once against the bridge. 
I see it now. you did the best you could.

About Jody Chan

Jody Chan (they/them) is a writer, drummer, organizer, and therapist based in Toronto/Tkaronto. They are the author of haunt (Damaged Goods Press), all our futures (PANK), and sick, winner of the 2018 St. Lawrence Book Award. They can be found online at https://www.jodychan.com/.